i'm still thinking about it
by Le ron
Summary: A revised version of the ep 'things change' *carby* abby in danger. fuzz. please R'n'R!!


'Things change'  
  
A/N I kinda got the feeling, that this ep would have been nice if this was the way things went! Bare in mind this is the last ep I have seen; so don't yet know fully what happens! (BTW, in my version, Gamma doesn't die, I always liked her!) Bit of an ep designed to keep us Carbies happy. Doesn't really fit in with the whole series in general; just imagine carby wasn't drawing to an end!  
  
Summary- *Carby* Abby in danger, lots of fuzz! Please R'n'R!!!  
  
Spoilers- none  
  
Disclaimer- if I owned them I'd b very rich, which I'm not, so I obviously don't!!  
  
So here we go.  
  
.......  
  
"I thought you weren't going?"  
  
"I'm not."  
  
"Then why are they still sending you stuff?"  
  
"I guess they're hoping I'll change my mind."  
  
"Carter, look at me." Abby pulled him to face her as they stopped in the hallway. "Look at me and tell me you're not still thinking about it."  
  
In her mind she knew what he would say, but her heart wished he wouldn't.  
  
He took a breath. "I haven't definitely said no.yet." He knew she wouldn't like it, but he couldn't hide it from her anymore. "I'm still thinking about it."  
  
For a brief second, as she looked into his chocolate brown eyes, she felt as if her heart had stopped.  
  
"Abby." She turned and started to walk. She couldn't do this; think about this, not now anyway.  
  
"Abby!!" Carter called as he rubbed his forehead with his palm. He watched her petite form retreat down the hall and turn a corner.  
  
"Should I go after her?" he thought, but his mind was made up for him.  
  
"Carter! I got a white male, complaining of 8 out of 10 chest pain, Pulse is 92, BP is 155/100."  
  
......  
  
The photo was taken about 6 months ago, at a bar somewhere, when they'd all gone out for Susan's birthday. They were sitting on bar stools, holding hands and talking intimately. Jing-Mei had taken it when they weren't looking.  
  
Abby had it taped inside her locker and was staring at it while she changed her nicotine patch.  
  
"Don't go John," she whispered to herself as she shut the door.  
  
Susan popped her head around the door of the lounge.  
  
"There you are Abby! Look, I just wanna apologize for being such a bitch in that trauma..."  
  
"Don't worry about it. I wasn't quite with it either."  
  
Susan looked at her and noticed something wasn't right.  
  
"Are you ok, Abby?"  
  
"I'm fine." She said, "Just tired."  
  
Not wanting to push it, Susan changed the subject.  
  
"Can you set another line of lydocane for James please, and has psych come down yet?'  
  
"Nope, but I'm about to page them again, then I'll check on him after my break" Abby replied as she headed for the door.  
  
"Thanks, and Abby?" Abby turned. "If you need to talk, just find me ok?"  
  
Abby smiled her thanks, turned and left the lounge.  
  
..... "Abby!" Carter called as he spotted her coming out of the doctors lounge. She stopped and turned to face him. "Do you have time for a coffee?" His face was pleading, she couldn't say no. "Sure." She smiled.  
  
Minutes later they were sat across from each other in a booth at Magoo's.  
  
"You're mad at me aren't you?" Carter asked her.  
  
"No, I'm not mad, im just. worried." Abby stared into her mug. "I don't want you to get hurt."  
  
"Abby, they need doctors over there, the need doctors to take a risk." Explained Carter. "And it'll only be for a few weeks."  
  
She nodded slowly. "But that's not what bugging you. What is it Abby? You can tell me."  
  
"My breaks almost over" she stood up.  
  
"Abby, tell me." His voice was full of concern.  
  
She lifted her head and looked into his eyes, "You promised you wouldn't go anywhere. You said you wouldn't leave me" Her voice was quiet. "And yeah, I know im being selfish but.if you loved me you wouldn't leave me if I needed you.."  
  
"Abby, you know that's not what this is about!" he stood up and stepped towards her, resting his hand against her cheek. He loved her; she knew he loved her, so why was she saying this? " I do love you, but."  
  
"Then don't leave me," she said simply, before turning, and walking out, back to her shift.  
  
.....  
  
As she walked back, across the ambulance bay, she ran through what she had just said in her mind. "Why do I always have to be about me? I should just let him go. But what if I need him? What if something happens to Eric? Or I want a drink, or." Abby knew she was just making up excuses, but to her they were real.  
  
.....  
  
As Carter watched her head back across the street through the window, he ran through what she had just said in his mind. "What is she so afraid of? She knows she'll be fine, and everything's going okay at the moment." He sighed, dropped a few coins to pay for the coffees, and headed back to work. " I'll talk to her again later" he thought.  
  
....  
  
James Shaw was a psychotic patient who had been found in a back alley, over medicated on his pills. Abby felt sorry for him, she had some idea of what it was like to have you're mind do things to you. "After all, I have a crazy family, right?" she thought to herself. And for the ninth time that hour, "why hasn't Eric called back?"  
  
James was really worked up as Abby entered the room. "James, you need to relax, and I'm gonna give you some medicine to help you do that, ok?" she spoke kindly but firmly as she inserted the syringe.  
  
" I have to get out of here, they're gonna find me. I can feel them, they're near!!' He started to shout and pull on his tubes.  
  
"James, James!!" Abby grabbed at his flailing arms. " You know im not going to hurt you right?" Abby had never seen so much fear in anyone's eyes before.  
  
"Abby, Eric on line 1." Frank called through the door.  
  
'Ok. Thanks." She replied as she slowly let go of James and headed towards the phone on the wall by the door.  
  
.....  
  
Chuny walked into Admit, where Frank, Carter and Susan were standing retrieving charts, or writing on the board.  
  
"Anyone seen Abby?" she asked.  
  
"Try Exam 1." Replied Frank absent-mindedly.  
  
.....  
  
"Eric, is that you?" said Abby into the receiver. "Where are you? Do you want me to come and get you?... well, do you have a number or.."  
  
Suddenly a hand clamped across her mouth and pulled her roughly away from the phone.  
  
"You can't tell them where I am!" hissed James, "I wont let you!"  
  
Abby struggled but he just held her tighter. She reached out with her one free hand, feeling for anything she could grab. Her fingertips felt the edge of a tray of instruments. Just then, he started to yell, and yanked her forwards, knocking the tray and its contents all over the floor.  
  
"Ahhh!!! They're here!" James screamed as he flung Abby across the room against the door, flinging it open.  
  
.....  
  
Chuny headed towards Exam 1, when suddenly her eye caught the half blinded window into the room. "Oh my God," she breathed. The door flung open, as Abby fell through.  
  
"Abby!" Chuny turned back to Admit, "Frank, and call security! It's Abby, I need some help over here!"  
  
All Carter heard was "it's Abby" and he dropped the handful of charts he had and ran out from the desk towards where Chuny was standing.  
  
There, on the floor, lay Abby, curled up so tightly, with a patient dragging her towards him.  
  
All the love he had for her welled up inside him as he took a step towards the scene.  
  
"You need to let her go." Carter's voice was calm, but his mind, and heart, was racing.  
  
The patient looked up at him with huge eyes, breathing heavily. He lifted up his left hand, which had previously been behind his back. Clenched in his fist, he held several instruments, all with sharp ends, all aimed at Abby's throat. Carter's breath caught in his throat with fear.  
  
"I can't let her tell them where I am!" he growled.  
  
James pulled Abby by her scrub top, so she had her back to his knees. Her face was upturned but her eyes were closed.  
  
Carter felt a presence next to and behind him. For the last few seconds it had just been him, Abby and the patient in the whole of the ER.  
  
Still keeping his eyes completely on Abby, he listened for signs of who was around him. Susan stepped in line with him as she spoke gently.  
  
"Hi James, you remember me right? Im the doctor who was helping you, with Abby. My names Dr Lewis."  
  
James continued to hold Abby tightly; with the instruments he had grabbed resting against her jugular. However, his gaze moved from the small crowd around him, to Abby's face.  
  
"She wasn't helping me, she said she was, but I heard her!" He shuffled backwards, pulling Abby with him.  
  
Carter's face tensed. He felt so helpless. He didn't know this patient, so he couldn't talk to him, and he couldn't follow his instincts and grab this man, in case he hurt Abby. All he could think about was the last conversation they had. What if that was the last thing they said to each other? If it was, he could never forgive himself.  
  
The two security guards seemed to know the same thing, as they stood slightly to the side, ready to move at any moment.  
  
"James, James I need you to look at me for a moment, James, can you do that for me?" Susan continued with her attempts at calming this patient down, something for which Carter knew he would thank her for, for the rest of his life.  
  
All he cared about was the fact that Abby, the woman he loved more than anything, was lying, hardly conscious, against a dangerously psychotic man.  
  
Susan knew that she didn't have much time. James was close to the edge, and for that matter, so was Carter. If Abby wasn't safe soon, he was going to do something irrational. To be honest, she couldn't blame him.  
  
Then, almost miraculously, James' head turned to Susan, and he looked her straight in the eye. His breath was still heavy, and his hands were shaking.  
  
"Thanks James, that's great. Now, Abby isn't going to tell anyone where you are. I will make sure of it. If I can take her with me, then I'll make sure she won't. Do you know how I can do that James?"  
  
He shook his head slowly, just as Abby's eyes began to open.  
  
Carter looked at her, and in a second she knew not to say a word. His eyes told her everything.  
  
In Carter's mind, Abby's eyes were the most beautiful things he had ever seen, for a minute he thought he might never see them again. But, when they opened, he made sure he was the first thing they saw.  
  
Then, Susan's voice brought him back into focus.  
  
"James, I'm going to tell you a secret." Bravely, Susan crouched down onto the floor so she was level with James. Speaking almost in a whisper, Susan told him, and the rest of the silent ER, her 'secret'.  
  
"You see this doctor here?" she motioned to Carter. "He has a machine and it's very special. It makes people forget things. If you let him he can use it on Abby, and she'll never know you where here, so she cant tell anyone."  
  
James' eyes widened as he looked at Carter, almost in awe.  
  
Carter, realising what Susan was doing, nodded at him.  
  
"You promise she will forget?" whimpered James, his mood changed to that of a terrified child.  
  
"I swear with all my heart." Replied Susan. "And," she continued, " I can give you some medicine which will mean they won't be able to find you."  
  
James gasped. "Really?"  
  
Susan nodded.  
  
For a moment, it seemed as though they had all stopped breathing. Abby's eyes had closed again.  
  
Then, slowly, James placed the instruments carefully onto the floor, as though not to make a sound, and motioned to Carter a 'yes'.  
  
Carter breathed a sigh of relief as he stepped forward, kneeling down, he gently scooped Abby into his arms and lifted her away from James. As he headed for an available bed, she stirred slightly.  
  
He kissed the top of her head. " It's ok baby, I've got you, you're safe."  
  
.....  
  
An hour later, Abby woke up on a bed in the ER. She looked around, disorientated for a moment. Then she heard his voice.  
  
"Hey." One simple word, but it conveyed all the care in the world. She turned towards him, sitting on a chair next to her, his hand clasped over hers. " How are you feeling?"  
  
For the first time since waking up, she realised she had a banging headache. "My head is killing me."  
  
"Well, thats to be expected, seeing as you had a pretty nasty bump on it!" he smiled gently, and she smiled back.  
  
"Anything else Dr Carter wants to tell me?"  
  
Puffing out his chest, he said, "Well Miss Lockhart, you suffered concussion from a head trauma, a fractured wrist and rib. Also, considerable bruising to the abdomen."  
  
"Is that all?" she grinned.  
  
Carter leant forward, and gently kissed her. Pulling back slightly, he whispered, "I was so scared. I thought the last time I saw you would be when you were walking away from me."  
  
Slowly, gently, Abby leaned forward, and kissed him back. "You can't get rid of me that easily."  
  
As Carter sat back down, Abby's face looked troubled for a second.  
  
"Abby?"  
  
"I was just wondering.how's James?"  
  
Carter looked at her. She continued to amaze him. After all he had done, she still cared.  
  
"He's going to be fine. Susan's taking care of him."  
  
Her face softened. "Good."  
  
" I've been thinking about what you said to me in Magoo's and."  
  
"John, don't. I."  
  
"No Abby let me finish. Today, before, I realised what it's like to be scared, worried about, the person you love. I don't want you to go through that." He raised a hand to her face. 'I'm not leaving you."  
  
Abby sighed, and then smiled. "You wouldn't be leaving me, you'd be.on a trip."  
  
He looked at her quizzically. "But you said..."  
  
"Forget what I said. I think you should go."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Really. And anyway, anyone with the chance to get a dose of John Truman Carter III is very lucky. I should know," she said as he kissed her again. "Just one condition."  
  
"Anything." he replied.  
  
"Promise you'll come back to me?"  
  
"Of course. I couldn't not come back to you." And he kissed her. Again. 


End file.
